The Spy's Betrayal
by GyptianRose
Summary: A kind of sequel to Notorious Bisexuals that takes place when the Potters go into hiding. Some slashness, boatloads of angst. Only rated M because of the painful amount of angstinosity.
1. Chapter 1

Oh, man… I wrote this while listening to Nirvana. It's terribly bleak and angsty. I hope you like?

* * *

Sirius turned around in bed to face Remus's still, sleeping figure. His light, dead-looking waves of blondish-brown hair – already peppered noticeably with grey – were partially obscuring his face. A few strands fluttered each time he exhaled. An all-too-familiar crease had formed between his eyes as he slept, as though he was having a troubling dream. Sirius frowned, too, examining the puffy under-eyes and faint wrinkles already becoming permanent around Remus's mouth. He looked nearly thirty-five, but Sirius knew him to be hardly twenty-one. _He's just as young as the rest of us. I guess he's lived through more than his life's worth of pain, though. _Sirius turned back around to gaze at a picture on this nightstand that had been taken on James and Lily's wedding day. It had been a little more than a year and a half ago… One couldn't tell from the picture, but Lily was about one month pregnant at the time. They'd been engaged since the end of school, so it wasn't entirely scandalous, but Lily's sister Petunia had seemed slightly miffed about the whole affair. Sirius sighed as he looked at James's smiling picture. There had been rumors about a prophesy involving their son and the Dark Lord, and they were going to have to go into hiding. They wanted him to be their Secret Keeper, of course, but Sirius was apprehensive for reasons unknown to him and wanted to put it off as long as possible. And to think, just four years ago they'd spent all their time risking their lives for fun. 

"Padfoot?" Remus had sat up – his heavily scarred, seemingly frail chest and arms were exposed as the sheet slipped away. "Are you awake?" Sirius turned to look at Remus, carefully studying his frame. Remus's shoulders were broad, but there was little flesh there to make them seem at all manly; his collarbones stuck out in sharp relief and his ribs were vaguely discernible. It was as though his bones had intended that he become an imposing, manly figure, but physical stress and malnourishment made him look more like a scarred Audrey Hepburn – a muggle actress that Sirius had once seen a very old ad for.

"Yeah… have any dreams?" Sirius's eyes traveled back to Remus's and he gently pushed ratty curls from his werewolf's face. Remus just bit his lip and shrugged, looking away with an expression that suggested he was trying to push something unpleasant out of his mind. Sirius didn't bother to press him further. Lately it seemed as though a strange distance had come between them, and he was afraid that trying to get closer might only drive Remus further away. Sirius gave him a gentle kiss on the forehead and got up, stretching and tousling his short hair. He'd finally gotten around to keeping it cut before James's wedding, but it still managed to get into his eyes a lot of the time. "I'll fix some breakfast, ok?"

Remus nodded silently, still looking troubled about the dream. The, he unexpectedly turned to Sirius and spoke. "You know I love you, right?" He had a slight look of apprehension.

"Of course. How could I ever think differently, Moony?" Sirius frowned with concern, but Remus just looked away again. Feeling he had lost whatever opportune moment that had come along, Sirius changed the subject. "Does toast sound good?"

Remus smiled weakly. "Yes, that would be fine."

* * *

"Marmalade!" Sirius's eyes lit up. 

Remus had quietly set a jar on the table in front of Sirius and smiled with affection as Sirius slathered mounds of marmalade onto his toast and wolfed it down quickly, getting the sticky orange stuff all over his hands and face. In his puppyish way he began to try and lick all the marmalade off of his hands. He was surprised when Remus kindly took the sticky hand that Sirius was working on away from his mouth and said, "Here, let me help." He leaned over and tentatively licked around Sirius's mouth, slowly melting away whatever tension that had built up that morning. Their tongues eventually found one another and a long, messy kiss ensued – the kind that travels to cheek and chin and jaw and ends with a sufficient amount of saliva spread all over. When they pulled apart, Sirius looked at Remus suspiciously. _Did he plan that? _

The answer to that question came sooner than he expected. Remus looked away and said quietly, "I'm going to leave for a week today, maybe longer."

"What? Why? I thought the full moon wasn't for two days."

"It's not. I'm leaving early." He sighed heavily, continuing, "The woods I used to go to were developed recently and I need to find a new, safer place."

"Why are you going to take a whole week?" A slightly hostile tone crept into Sirius's voice that he immediately regretted. Remus's secretiveness had gotten Sirius worried and frustrated lately, but his lack of trust in Remus only made Sirius feel guilty.

Remus looked unwilling to answer him, but eventually spoke in an uncharacteristically uneven tone. "I don't want to come home all torn up and be a burden to you, Padfoot. I'd feel much better if I took care of myself alone until I was ready to work for the Order again."

"But I can take care of you! You're not a burden at all, Remus – you're my lover." He thought for a moment that Remus brushed a tear away as he pushed his hair out of his face, but perhaps he was seeing things.

"I'd still rather stay by myself for a while." He winced slightly as he got up, seeming to have jostled a large bite on his hip that still wasn't fully healed.

Sirius frowned as he watched Remus leave the room, presumably to pack. It all seemed so fishy… but perhaps there were aspects of lycanthropy that he would never understand.

* * *

Thanks for reading all the way through! I hope you enjoyed! (insert witty review-whore plea here) 


	2. Chapter 2

Here we are. I shall disclaim this story with a flick of my magic wand, and we'll be on our (not-so) merry way.

Flick!

* * *

Remus sat next to Sirius at the Order meeting, as usual, and Sirius was unusually quiet. He was spending his time carefully scrutinizing the way Remus was acting. To anyone else, he would have seemed completely normal. He was friendly and pleasant, fading into the background unless he had something important to say. It was only around Sirius, usually, when Remus ever showed signs of bitterness or pain. Remus's philosophy was, it seemed, to give nobody any extra reason to hate him. Being a gay werewolf was enough on its own.

To Sirius, though, Remus was acting rather strangely. When he thought no one was looking, he let his calm expression slip to reveal conflict glowing in his eyes. He pushed back his hair with a preoccupied air and bit his lip occasionally. It was infuriating for Sirius to watch. _What's wrong with him? What is it that's tearing at him like that? Why isn't he telling me anything?_ Questions ran through his mind until he couldn't take it anymore. He jumped up in the middle of a report from Mad-Eye Moody and slammed his chair back under the table, storming out before anyone could say anything. He felt Remus burning with guilt behind him and found that he didn't care.

"Sirius!" Hagrid had followed him out and was calling at him. "Wha's wrong, Sirius?"

He turned around apprehensively, not sure how to explain himself. "N-Nothing, Hagrid… just having a little trouble with Remus."

Hagrid frowned, looking almost shaken. Everyone knew they were the perfect couple – a quiet, peaceful, almost brotherly sense of affection went with them everywhere. Utter devotion played across their eyes, and they often held hands under the table. In the Order, people took strength in seeing good couples together. It was always James and Lily Potter, Frank and Alice Longbottom, and Sirius and Remus who seemed to get the kindest glances. Even Dumbledore saved a twinkle in his eye for them, as thought it stood testament to love triumphing over greed and evil. Seeing them fight, Sirius realized, would dry up their oasis.

"I'm sure it's nothing, really," he added gruffly. "We'll be fine; I just need to be out in the open air for a few minutes." Hagrid continued frowning for a moment, but then broke into a wide smile.

"I s'pose a little bit 'o trouble in paradise never hurt anyone." He clapped Sirius on the shoulder, causing him to cringe slightly, and walked away. Sirius sat down and then stretched out on the grass, puzzling over Remus's strange behavior. Why didn't he want Sirius taking care of him? He'd never taken more than a few days to get back on his feet again after a full moon, and they were predicting overcast skies for the next four days. If it was being hurt enough to take longer, he needed Sirius even more. It was true that Sirius was busy with the Order a lot more now, but Remus should have known better than to think that he'd be a burden. Maybe Remus was doing something else during his "recovery" time. Like what? His family was less than affectionate to him, and all of his friends were in the Order. Besides, why would he lie to Sirius about something like that? What _would_ he be doing that would make Remus lie to the man he loved?

Then it hit him like a rogue bludger. Remus was a spy for Voldemort. Would there be any other reason to be so secretive? It was so perfect. Who would suspect Remus? He was kind to everyone, and he gave off an air of comfort and warmth. But why would he side with Voldemort? For werewolf rights? Was he under the imperious curse? Was he being threatened against his life? Was he being threatened against Sirius's life? Sirius's head ached. Remus would only do that to protect those he loved, or against his will, right? Right? He pulled a handful of grass out of the ground viciously. Why, damn it!

More importantly, did Remus really love him? Did Sirius still love him in spite of all this? He knew he did. Remus could end the world and Sirius would still want nothing more than to keep him safe and sound. Sirius stood up and looked around him, not bothering to brush the grass clippings off of the back of his pants. He knew what he had to do.

* * *

"James? Lily? Could I talk to you for a second?" The meeting was over and Remus had already left for his work with Voldemort without daring to look Sirius in the eye.

"Sure, Padfoot... what's wrong?"

"It's… it's about me being secret keeper."

Lily's green eyes looked puzzled. "What's wrong?"

Sirius sighed heavily. "You'd better sit down." They sat, perplexed as ever, and looked at him expectantly. "I think… I think Remus is a spy."

"What? Don't be stupid, Padfoot. What would put a thought like that in your head?"

Something like anger crept into Sirius's voice. "D'you honestly think I'd go and say something like that on a whim? I'm dead certain, Prongs." He paused uncertainly, finding it hard to voice all the reasons he believed his lover was betraying them. "He's been leaving for long stretches of time around the full moon. He says it's because he doesn't want to be a burden, but I'm not sure I believe him. There's just something in his voice. And _you_ might not notice anything funny about him, but he's acting strangely."

James looked thunderstruck. "Are… are you going to turn him in or something?"

"I can't."

"Why not?" It was Lily's voice that said this, sounding frightened.

Sirius flushed and whispered to his shoes, "I love him."

James seemed to immediately understand. "I'm sure we can figure out a way to keep everyone from being harmed by this."

"Make Wormtail your secret-keeper."

"What? How would that help anything? We wouldn't trust anyone else, Sirius," Lily said quietly. She understood quite well the bond between Sirius and James.

"I've already told Moony I'm to be the secret-keeper. If he tells Voldemort, they'll go after me and make me tell them where you are. If he tells Voldemort and he turns out to be wrong…" A shudder went down Sirius's spine. "I haven't thought of how to protect him from that yet. But at least you three will be safe."

James was grave. Either way it seemed to mean Sirius's sacrifice. "Of… of course, Padfoot. That's what we'll have to do."

"We're forever in your debt, Sirius. Keeping Harry safe… It's all we ever think of anymore." Lily was trembling oddly, as though fear had seeped into her skin and chilled her blood. "Thank you so much for your kindness."

Sirius sighed. He only hoped he was doing the right thing.

* * *

This whole fic is really a killjoy. I'm terribly sorry if I've left anyone depressed. 


	3. Chapter 3

At long last, the third chapter. This one isn't any less depressing.

* * *

Remus woke up to find himself flat on his stomach in the middle of an unfamiliar forest. The unmistakable smell of blood – hopefully his own – could be made out immediately, and he closed his eyes to begin testing his limbs for critical damage. He sensed various bites, cuts, and scrapes that would need attention, but nothing serious until he lifted his left leg, as a blinding pain shot up his spinal cord. _You've managed to break your sodding leg, I hope you're happy, _His cutting inner voice chided him. _Just got to get to Rolf… _

Rolf was a back-alley healer who cared for werewolves specifically, since laws prevented them from being treated at St. Mungo's. His motives were both kind and selfish – he healed werewolves because they had no alternative, and would therefore pay any price.

Remus pushed himself up and looked back at his broken leg, horrified to see a large gash that revealed a white shock of visible – and quite splintered – bone. It was completely numb unless he moved it, which he forced himself to do in order to get on his feet. He began to stagger through the forest, following the bright sunlight that led the way to a small town.

* * *

"The door is open!" a sharp voice called in the general direction of the entranceway, in response to a muffled thudding sound. This voice belonged to the notorious Rolf, who had a mixture of potions and poorly cleaned muggle implements spread messily on every counter in sight. "…are you coming in or not?"

Getting no reply, Rolf nervously went to the door and opened it to find what looked like a scarecrow made of bloody rags and light brown hair in front of him. "What the bloody… Lupin? Is that you, mate?" He reached out and pushed Remus's hair out of his face, revealing an expression that wavered in and out of consciousness. "What in Merlin's… shit! I can't deal with this, mate. You're going to Mungo's."

That was the last thing Remus heard until he woke up in the lobby of St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries.

"What do you bloody well mean, you can't help him?"

A nasal and slightly harassed female voice answered, "Mister Remus Lupin is registered as a known werewolf, sir. This hospital simply cannot accept him into our care!"

"So you're going to let this innocent man die! He's hanging by a thread, his leg is disgusting…" Rolf paused for an ominous effect, "and he's got several downright ruthless friends who are willing to pay you a visit, should he pass away in your lovely lobby."

"I-I'm sorry, sir! It's the law! And a very important safety law, I might add."

"It certainly isn't safe for you."

"I'll see what I can do…" The voice shouted in another direction, "There is an unidentified man who is unconscious in the lobby! Someone summon a stretcher and get him to the first floor!"

"That's more like it, ma'am. May I use your fireplace? I'd like to notify Sirius Black of this 'unnamed man's' whereabouts."

* * *

"Moony?" Sirius stared at the pale, fragile-looking figure that lay before him. "Moony… God, please wake up…"

"Huh? Oh…" Remus managed a weak smile of recognition. "Hello, Padfoot."

Sirius just bit his lip and stared at Remus nervously. "How're you doing? You'd better be feeling healthier than you look."

"It seems I've gained a few new scars for my collection." _Always the same dependable Remus, trying to put a happy face on everything…__with that damned good grammar of his, too. _"Besides, I've had worse."

"I can't possibly remember a time when you've been more injured than you are now, Moony." Perhaps he was getting off-track, but Sirius was rather testy and nervous on that particular day. He was about to make the biggest mistake of his life, after all.

Remus glanced at Sirius for a second and then turned away, refusing to meet his eyes as he said, "You haven't known me for my _entire_ life, Padfoot."

This was quite true. Sirius had only been inside Remus's childhood home once and never wished to return. There was an air of shame and entrapment that surrounded the place, and Sirius could hardly imagine what Remus had gone through there. He had often wondered in the past few days if Remus's upbringing had anything to do with his gravitation to darkness – the planned sellout of his dearest friends.

"Remus?" Sirius shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

Remus looked back up at Sirius, and it was obvious that he'd picked up on the use of his first name.

Sirius flinched slightly. "I… I'm not sure it's such a good idea that we see one another anymore."

It took a moment for that to register on the injured werewolf's face. "What's wrong?"

"I just… I know something, Remus. We can't be together right now."

"I don't understand—"

"Don't even try! Just trust me; I'm trying to do what's best for you. Please… Remus, I love you. In spite of everything, I love you. And I've got to go away. And so have you."

Picking up on Sirius's uneasiness and restlessness, Remus knew it would be pointless to try to argue or even reply. After a moment of tense silence between them, he said in a hopeless voice, "I hope someday we can be together again… I love you, too."

"I'll… I'll be on my way, then."

* * *

I'll write another fic that extrapolates on the bit about Remus's childhood and home and such. It's something I've been thinking about for some time now, how Remus grew up. So, please comment if you like it, and maybe I'll manage the final chapter (at least, I think the next chapter is the final one) over Christmas break. Also, before you go pointing out the werewolf at St. Mungo's in book 5, assume (as I have) that the laws have changed quite a bit since the whole revolution with Wolf's Bane and whatnot, and although werewolves are still treated with indignity and quite unfairly, nobody is letting them bleed to death in hospital lobbies anymore. 


	4. Chapter 4

I think this is the last chapter, unfortunately. I don't like this fic as much as my first one… but, eh.

I'm not pretending to be J.K. Rowling, because everyone knows she's a blonde and I most certainly am not. So I don't own Harry Potter. Enjoy the angst!

* * *

"Did you hear the great news, young man? Of course you didn't, you've been in bed all week… well, you will not believe it when I tell you – I sure didn't – but the clouds have lifted at last! He Who Shall Not be Named has his hand around this magical earth no longer, my boy! Remember this day, July fifteenth, for the rest of your life! He's gone! Finished! And all by that little Potter child, bless his tiny soul…" Remus Lupin's rotund old healer woman was dancing and twirling around the room, talking to him in a singsong voice.

"Potter?" Remus sat upright, not bothering to wince as several cuts reopened. "What are you talking about?"

The healer stopped and gazed at him for a moment, seemingly reorganizing the fantastical tale in her mind. "Well, see, this brave and wonderful family known as the Potters, who had a year-old son named Harry, was set to be yet another victim of He Who Must Not be Named. They went into hiding immediately, of course, but somehow You Know Who found them. That bit of the story is still missing, I suppose… oh, but anyway, You Know Who came to their home last night and killed both parents, Lily and… John? Jack… James! That's the name! But when He goes and tries to kill the little boy, something wonky happens and the curse is deflected and You Know Who disappears! It's a sad story with a happy ending for the ages!" She waltzed out happily, singing lightly to herself.

Remus sat in a total daze. Two of his best friends – the only ones with the responsibility of a child – were gone. Completely. Who did it? Sirius was their secret keeper, but… no. Impossible. Sirius would never betray anyone. He was a dog, for Christ's sake! Everyone knows that dogs are _loyal_. And Sirius was always loyal… Perhaps it had been tortured out of him, but then, Sirius would rather die than betray his friends. Right?

Except, of course, when they broke up three days earlier. It took Remus hours to remember that every morning.

* * *

Too stunned for tears, with his ears faintly buzzing, Remus stared at a dot on the wall for what must have been hours as people danced in the hallway outside. It was only when he heard the muffled, tentative sound of someone opening his door that he moved even slightly. His immediate hopes – that Sirius had come to explain to him, to take him back and apologize and let Remus cry on his shoulder – were dashed as he saw a tall, wizened wizard at the door.

"Dumbledore…" His voice was shaky and low. "What's going on?"

The headmaster gave him a kind smile and moved a chair next to Remus's bed. "I see you weren't invited to the party outside. How is your leg?"

His what? Oh… that. "They were able to heal that right away, it's just the cuts that have to heal by themselves." He hesitated and paled slightly as he succumbed to the familiar feeling that one could trust Dumbledore with anything. "They're under orders to not come in physical contact with me – I'm taking something to keep me from dying of blood loss, but they can't actually try to help me stop losing blood." He hadn't meant such a bitter tone to slip into his voice, but it was just as well.

"I've lobbied for decades, Remus, trying to get St. Mungo's to understand that degrading treatment is never acceptable. They don't entirely appreciate, I suppose, what it feels like to be treated like an infection and not a person. I _am_ sorry." His smile turned to a more sympathetic one as he laid a meaningful hand on Remus's shoulder. Remus looked down and chewed on one of his nails in silence.

"…I just wish I knew where Sirius was. He was acting so oddly, and then he just _left_ me. And now…" he looked up at Dumbledore. "…What happened to him? He didn't… did he tell Voldemort willingly?"

The headmaster faltered slightly. "What have you heard?"

"That someone sold out Lily and James, and something happened with Harry that made Voldemort disappear, and Harry's… alive. What else is there?"

"I've just gotten news, I'm afraid, that there was an altercation between Mr. Pettigrew and Mr. Black." He paused for longer than Remus was comfortable with. "Peter accused Sirius of killing the Potters by betraying them, and Sirius reacted rather rashly… The entire street block is gone. The most of Peter they've managed to find was a finger and a pile of robes. I'm to testify in court that Sirius was, indeed, the secret keeper of the Potters… this is, to the best of your knowledge, true?"

Remus's voice was strained nearly to the point of not being understandable. "As far as I know," he looked up at Dumbledore, "James and I were closer to Sirius than anyone… at least, I thought I was. I suppose James thought so, too. After all those years of fighting everything that he was raised to believe, why… I just don't understand."

"Everyone is still reeling at his actions, Remus. I only wish I knew how to answer you." With that, Dumbledore stood up and gave him yet another sympathetic smile. "However, the Order has been officially disbanded in light of this recent event. While mourning the loss of four close friends, I hope you find it in yourself to rejoice at the end of a dark age. I am sure we'll meet again."

A slightly adolescent irritation met Remus as he waved a solemn goodbye to Dumbledore. Remus had a right to mourn all he wanted to, rejoice-free…

* * *

But, of course, Dumbledore was right. As soon as he was well enough to leave, Remus began a fruitless job search in order to keep himself busy, made an attempt to see Harry, ("how did you find us? There isn't a Harry Potter here. If my husband sees you in the neighborhood again, we'll call the police! You freak!") and paid a visit to Peter Pettigrew's mother. He even entertained the idea of returning to his parents' house when he ran out of money, but not all that seriously. _Yes,_ he thought, as he curled into a cramped bed late at night, _this funk is behind me – and a bland, jobless one waits just ahead. _

Miles away, the newest prisoner of Azkaban gave a loud cry in his sleep, and a small rat scurried through the gutters of London.

* * *

Hope you liked it; I'll have better things up soon. I promise. You'll get to learn all sorts of things about Remus from my little point of view, at nearly every age. 


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